Dating' Remus Lupin
by sidlicide
Summary: There were only two rules for 'dating' Remus Lupin, the first being to never tell anyone you're dating Remus Lupin. To be honest, I never expected I'd be so excited to not tell anyone something.
1. Chapter 1

There were only two rules for 'dating' Remus Lupin, the first being to never tell anyone you're dating Remus Lupin. To be honest, I never expected I'd be so excited to not tell anyone something.

I first met Remus in my third year but, like everyone else attending Hogwarts, I already knew a lot about him. Or at least, I thought I knew a lot about him. He was one of those rowdy Gryffindor boys – the Potter's Gang we called them in those days – and mystery and intrigue stuck to them like glue, not least of which because of their keen detective work around the school and a certain ability to be places they weren't supposed to be in. That's how I first met Remus – in the girls' lavatory of the Hufflepuff Common Room.

I remember shrieking when I saw him, or possibly it was more of a squeak, and instantly his hand was over my mouth and he had pulled me back into the corner of the room where we would be partially hidden from anyone entering the bathroom. I looked up at him and his mouth was twitching at the corners as he tried to keep from laughing but I saw nothing funny about the situation. He held a finger up to his mouth signaling that I should keep quiet and I nodded slowly, knowing better than to let this opportunity pass. To be included in Marauder shenanigans, no matter how un-importantly, was worth six months of popularity, minimum.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not – nor have I ever – been the type of person to care about popularity but back in those days it didn't come without its perks. The Marauders paraded around the school as if they owned it and, in all honesty, they did. They had nerds to do their assignments, fill-ins willing to sit through class for them, go-fetchers at their beck and call to fetch whatever was needed for the precious Marauders and, to a certain extent, anyone lucky enough to be associated with them.

They had personal House Elves, and a stable of nifflers, and a horde of girls willing to do anything for them. Unfortunately for the girls, the Marauders preferred to work alone, only calling for an occasional fill-in or homework preparer a few times a month. The girls wasted away, waiting eagerly for the day they were called for, and the Marauders seemed more than happy to take the detentions for skipping class. Well, they could let their fortune go to waste, but I wanted a sweet piece of that easy-breezy homework-free lifestyle and I was going to get it.

Remus released me and shooed me away but I just crouched down beside him and waited.

"What are you doing?" he asked, eyes never wavering from the door. I noticed that he kept his wand hand at the ready, as if awaiting an attack.

"What are _you_ doing?" I countered. "You're not even in Hufflepuff!"

Remus shifted towards me and scrutinized me carefully. "We're playing hide-and-seek."

"We?"

As if on cue, the door slammed open and James Potter burst in, holding a creased piece of parchment and wearing a ridiculous grin on his face. "Remus, you dog, I never would have thought you had it in you!" He muttered something under his breath and with a flick of his wrist Remus' wand went sailing over to him. "Hiding in the girls' restroom – have you no shame! I've been searching the Hufflepuff dungeons for nearly an hour; thought I'd made another mistake with the map!"

"The Hufflepuff Common Room isn't a dungeon!" I blurted out, cursing the Hufflepuff Pride that overrode my senses.

James looked over to me, clearly amused. "How so?" I had no immediate answer and he elaborated his question. "Dungeons are underground stone rooms used for the purpose of holding people. In which way does Hufflepuff not fit these criteria?"

"It…erm…." I stammered. He looked down on me smugly and I gathered my (admittedly lacking) wits. "Dungeons are known for being dank, dark, and oppressive," I managed, looking to Remus for encouragement. He hardly knew me but he smiled kindly and I continued. "Our common room is clearly warm, well-lit, and cozy."

Remus turned to James. "Clearly." He plucked his wand from James' hands and rapped him smartly on the nose with it. "You won this round, but next time I get the map."

James didn't say anything for a moment; he was lost in thought. "I'll admit that the term dungeon does have a negative connotation which obviously doesn't apply to the Hufflepuffs' rooming quarters but if it's not a dungeon then what is it?"

Remus wrapped an arm around James' shoulders and steered him toward the exit. "Basements are also underground…" I heard him say as they slipped out the door, along with my hope of a homework-free year. No one was going to believe me.

"No one's going to believe you, you know." Remus said, popping his head back through the door. "It'd be best if you kept this just between us." He smiled and winked at me and in an instant was gone.

And that was the end of it.

I'll admit that in this day and age these 'crazy Marauders' stories are so common that it's likely 4 out of 4 of them are made up but there's a reason behind the madness. Everyone knows the Marauders are big time heroes – they saved the school from some big threat at least once every year they attended Hogwarts – but no one ever found out exactly what they'd done. And Potter and Black had more infractions than all the rest of Hogwarts combined, but not a single one was for being caught out-of-bounds or out-of-bed past curfew. Somehow they managed to sneak around to all the forbidden areas of the castle, winning awards for hexing bad guys and detentions for pranking first-years, without actually being caught in those forbidden areas.

Naturally, rumors started to spread. Some people say they learned to apparate illegally. Bollocks, of course. You can't apparate or disapparate inside of Hogwarts. Believe me, I've tried. Others say they each had an Invisibility Cloak. Or that they were actually ghosts, or animagus, or metamorphagus, or leprechauns or whatever. I heard someone say that Sirius Black was the heir of Slytherin and someone else say that Peter Pettigrew could shrink to a miniature size and crawl through the pipes of Hogwarts. One boy claimed that they each had a sawed-off Shooting Star and that they rode them standing up. He'll tell anyone who'll listen that Dumbledore appointed them to patrol the corridors on their brooms at night and that it was Dumbledore who gave them their Invisibility Cloaks. Actually this was true – or, the broomstick part at least. Remus did have a modified Shooting Star and he did ride it standing up but he never brought it inside the castle.

For all their mischief and rambunctiousness, the boys were actually a pretty private group. James Potter had apparently loved Lily Evans since halfway through his second year but you'd never have known it if it wasn't for that odd outburst he had by the lake during his fifth year. Even afterwards it was hard to tell if he still liked her; he was always playing the gentleman whenever they were together – which was most of the time since they were Head Boy and Girl their Seventh Year.

And you couldn't possibly have known it to look at him but Sirius Black – so handsome and charming – was actually homeless. Well not really homeless (I heard he had been staying with the Potters) but he _was_ blasted off the Black Family Tree and kicked out of his family's home. He seemed to be managing just fine without them, though there was always something especially important he forgot to do elsewhere whenever the topic of family was brought up in conversation.

And as for Peter Pettigrew, well, he certainly was _interesting_. If you ask anyone who was at Hogwarts with them why the Marauders put up with Peter you'll just get an offhand shrug because, honestly, no one really knows. He wasn't smart, or handsome, or charming and while he was definitely not repulsive there was just something about him which suggested that he could easily become rather nasty if you gave him the chance. Maybe it's because of this that he mostly tried to keep to himself but really, the way he was always babbling on to that rat of his was more than enough to keep everyone else away.

Surprisingly (or perhaps not), none of the marauders ever dated, though certainly not for lack of willing witches. I'm sure there was at least one girl who would have been willing to snog Peter, if only for the opportunity to brag about having nabbed a marauder. This is almost certainly the reason why they never dated and maybe subconsciously I had always known it. A marauder was most certainly _not_ going to date a blabber-mouth and maybe that's why I never told anyone about what happened in the bathroom. Instead I kept it hidden away like a little girl storing away a precious trinket, and the longer I kept it hidden the more precious the memory became to me.

And maybe he's forgotten all about it by now, but to me, that's the reason why Remus Lupin sidled up to me one day after Potions and steered me into that broom closet with the hidden panel and made me promise not to tell a soul that from now on I was going to be his secret girlfriend.

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><p>So this isn't my firs fic <em>ever<em> but it's my first fic on this site so if I'm doing something wrong please let me know! Also, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Hey, I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who left the lovely reviews; I would reply but I'm not sure how. :/ (If someone could help me out, that'd be great!) More reviews are most welcome, and please enjoy this new chapter!

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><p>That first week was wonderful.<p>

Remus was a perfect gentleman, walking me to and from class using his secret Marauder passageways and every night taking me on an exclusive tour of different parts of the Hogwarts castle and grounds. We had picnics on the roof and races through the dungeons and on one particularly memorable Wednesday, he taught me how to fly through the Forbidden Forest on his special broomstick.

I already knew how to fly, of course, having been taught when I had been a first year. I had taken up Quidditch since then, so I was taken aback when Remus pulled me out to the Forbidden Forest that night and told me that he was going to teach me how to fly. I knew perfectly well how to fly! What Remus did that night, though, could hardly be considered flying and I consider myself lucky to have seen him do it first-hand.

Back in those days, you see, flying was the ultimate form of dare-devilry and Quidditch was the ultimate spectator sport. You didn't fly for fun back then, you flew to be seen. People like James Potter and Regulus Black were considered gods-among-men for their hair-pin turns and devil-may-care tactics. They absolutely thrived on the praise and adulation and the crowds were more than happy to provide it, so long as they received plenty of smiles in return. Cocky and charismatic, James was more than happy to oblige his fans, and the silent and brooding Regulus had sort of a Byronic quality about him that the ladies absolutely adored, though I've since learned that it was mostly an act. Remus was hardly the type to pander to the crowd's whims, though. He needed a solitary sport that would be capable of providing the adrenaline he craved, so – when the excitement of playing Exploding Snap wore off – he made up his own.

At first glance, Remus' broomstick looked like an ordinary _Troublesome Tyke's First Broomstick_ broomstick. It was about a meter long, with a thick handle and a soft, trailing tail but that was where the similarities ended. For one, it was most definitely not a Troublesome Tyke's brand broomstick. Remus had worked the label off but by the curvature of the handle, the etching of the tail, and the tell-tale orange wood, it was obvious that he had started off with an old Shooting Star. Secondly, the broom had none of the safety charms normally administered to a Troublesome Tyke's. It went 0-to-30 in under a minute, had none of the height restrictions, and had never seen the wands' end of a cushioning charm, much to my horror.

The first time I saw it I doubled over with laughter.

"What? You think this is funny?" Remus asked, lips twitching like they always did when he was trying to contain his laughter.

"It _is_ funny," I said, sidling over to him. "It's the male equivalent of me taking you up to the Astronomy Tower to show you my stuffed animals."

"Ah, but can your fuzzy bear do this?" He dropped the broom and, instead of clattering to the floor, it hovered in front of him, just a few centimeters off the ground.

"That's impressive," I said, rolling my eyes. "You've put a Hovering charm on it."

Remus grinned, not at all the know-it-all act he put on in class. In that instant he looked like, for lack of a better word, a marauder.

What happened next, I can only describe as incredible. The closest thing I can compare it to is a muggle sport called Skateboarding, where a rider rolls around on a board with wheels attached to it, except this was much more amazing. In Skateboarding, the rider is limited by the terrain, by gravity, and by friction which all work together to slow the board or stop it altogether, but on a broom those things don't matter. And just like a master duelist with a wand in his hand, Remus was in his element.

He stepped up onto his broom and in an instant he was gone, zooming through the trees. He zigged and he zagged and how he didn't end up splattered across the forest I'll never know, but he seemed to have such an intimate knowledge about where things were that I doubt he even needed to have his eyes open. He came back around, his broom so high off the ground that he needed to kneel in order to look me in the eyes.

"You want to give it a go?" He grinned. The broom sank slowly to the ground and he stepped off gingerly, bowing low as I stepped closer. "M'lady."

"Do you show just anyone your broomstick?" I asked, genuinely curious. I placed a foot carefully on the broom, judging whether or not I could balance long enough to crash into a tree.

Remus held my hips as I balanced on the broom and he slowly led me through the trees. "Usually not." He said tightly. "Shift back a bit, you're starting to speed up."

I did as he told me and we slowly inched our way deeper into the Forbidden Forest. "Jeremy Kirkwick seems to know all about it," I grinned. He was the boy who insisted that Dumbledore had given them all Invisibility Cloaks.

Remus smiled back, but his face was hard to read. "There's a grain of truth behind every rumor." He shifted his hands on my hips so that I leaned to the right and we made a gradual turn back the way we came.

"So is it true that Sirius is the heir of Slytherin?" I asked, excited. "You're not _really_ a leprechaun, are you?"

"No, I'm not a _leprechaun_." Remus laughed. "And as for Sirius…that's undetermined."

I squeaked loudly and fell off the broom, but Remus managed to catch me. Sort of. We ended up tangled together on the forest floor, but it was loads more comfortable with Remus by my side.

"You're really excitable, aren't you?" He smiled and brought his arms up behind his head while I nuzzled into his side. "Sirius isn't really the heir of Slytherin – he's a Gryffindor, remember?"

"But his family – he comes from a long line of Slytherins. Who's to say he _isn't _the heir?"

"Well what if he was? It wouldn't change who he is; he'd still be Sirius, except he'd also be heir of Slytherin."

"But knowing something like that would change everything! You wouldn't be able to look at him the same way because then you'd know who he truly was inside!"

Remus took some time to consider this; finally, he said quietly: "What if the Sirius I know _is _who Sirius is inside? And everything else is extraneous?"

I shook my head. "It wouldn't work like that. Being the heir of Slytherin is in his _blood_; it's worked into every single cell in his body – he can't fight against it."

"Well why do you _assume_ that being the heir of Slytherin would be bad? What if the heir of Slytherin was actually an alright bloke?"

"It's in the name – _Slytherin_." I sat up and turned to face him. "Only bad things could come from the brood of a man who enjoyed talking to snakes."

"What, like…snakewarmers?" he said, propping himself onto his elbows.

"_No_! Things like prejudice…"

" – and Dinner-Fowl Post Owls –"

"…and discrimination…"

" – and Bite-Size Mice on Ice for dessert."

"…and You-Know-Who!"

There was a heavy silence all around us and suddenly I realized how dangerous it was to be lost in the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night with a boy I hardly knew.

"Remus, I think we should head back." I said quietly.

Remus stood and stretched out languorously, before grabbing his broomstick. He looked at me then and for an instant I thought he was lost but he just smiled and held out his hand, which I eagerly took.

"I'm sorry for just then," I said. "I get really excited when I start talking about those sorts of things." Remus didn't say anything and I felt obliged to continue. "It's just – the whole You-Know-Who issue is sort of personal."

"You shouldn't feel like less of a person because you're muggleborn," he said quietly. "You're still a wonderful person." He paused. "Even if you were a muggle or a centaur or a vampire, you'd still be a wonderful person."

I pulled a face. "Not a vampire," I said. "They attack regular people!"

Remus smiled knowingly. "There is such a thing as reverse-discrimination, you know."

"And there is such a thing as inherent evil." I said. Remus sighed, exasperated. "I think we should just agree to disagree."

"Agreed." He said.

After he hid the broomstick behind a clump of shrubbery, Remus walked me back to my common room.

"I had a really good time tonight," I said, looking up into his eyes. It was dark and I couldn't see properly but I knew he was smiling. "I think if I practiced every single night from now until I graduate, I still wouldn't be able to ride your broomstick, though."

"You did fine." Remus smiled, pulling his arms around me. My heart was thumping so hard I wondered if he could feel it; I tilted my head up and wished he would kiss me but he seemed intent on being a gentleman.

"Remus," I said, suddenly pulling back. "I need to tell you something."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm…it's okay if you want to snog me." I said, blushing harder than I ever had in my life. "I'm not a virgin, if you're worried about my v-virtue or something."

Three excruciatingly quiet seconds passed before Remus started laughing.

"Remus I'm serious!" I wailed frantically, shaking his shoulders and hoping he'd stop laughing before a teacher heard us. "Please believe me, and for Merlin's sake be quiet!"

Remus took a few deep breaths to calm himself while I listened anxiously for the sound of approaching footsteps. I may have been beyond any embarrassment I had ever felt before in my life, but I wasn't going to leave the boy alone in that state. Besides, I needed someone to walk me back to the Common Room.

The more time I spent with Remus, the more I realized I didn't really know the real Remus. I had heard stories and legends about the boy who was so clever only Sirius Black could keep up with his constant quipping – a boy who loved words and language, and who could construct a number of witty retorts before you even finished a sentence, but the Remus _I_ knew liked to watch people have fun and, in fact, liked to laugh more than he liked to participate in witty banter, no matter how much I teased him. The trick was finding out what made him laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked indignantly just as he had stopped shaking from the silent giggles.

Remus smiled down at me warmly. "I don't care if you're a virgin or not," he said, not unkindly. "I like you and nothing's going to change that."

"But why?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "We're not in the same year, or house, or anything. Sometimes I can hardly believe you're talking to me, much less taking me for private midnight flying practice!"

"Well," he grinned. "You needed lessons." I shoved him lightly and he shoved me back. "Besides that, there's loads of things I like about you."

We had finally made it outside the door to the common room and I stood for a moment, waiting to see if he would kiss me. He seemed to sense my disappointment when he didn't.

"But there's also loads of things I _don't_-" He paused to grin at my reaction, "_know_ about you yet." He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear. "And I want to make sure I like you for all the right reasons before I do something you'll regret later." He pulled back just then, and looked into my eyes. "Someone's coming," he said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

I felt something cold dripping down from my head and spreading through the rest of my body. Remus had cast a disillusionment charm on me! Behind him, Filch was cackling murderously.

"Sneaking out to the kitchens again, eh?" He grabbed Remus roughly by the arm and tugged him along. "Was it worth it, boy?"

Remus turned to look at the spot where I had been standing. "Definitely."


	3. Chapter 3

Here is chapter 3! I originally had envisioned this story as being only a few chapters long, but while I was writing this chapter something just clicked so you can expect at least seven more chapters after this one. Enjoy and review; it would make my day!

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><p>I didn't see him for days after that incident, though to my sixteen-year-old mind it seemed like a torturous eternity. I didn't know if Filch was keeping him prisoner somewhere, or if he was busy with Marauder business, or even (and this thought was most present in my head those days) if, just as he had seemingly taken an interest in me overnight, he had grown suddenly tired of me.<p>

It wasn't unheard of; the Marauders took up new projects in the blink of an eye and discarded them just as quickly. James Potter started an Anti-Slytherin Defense League; Peter vowed a crusade against cats and Sirius (in an attempt to be ironic, but which came off as stubborn and contrary) started a feline adoption service to find owners for all the homeless cats of Hogwarts. They were spectacular in their determination, but when James found out that a castle-wide poll had determined Slytherins to be the greatest lovers of cats, his claims that Slytherins were cruel and heartless petered out. Sirius lost his resolve in caring for cats after Filch adopted one only to have it tail the Marauders through the castle, and Peter fell in love with a particularly loud Siamese and named him Crackers. All of this in the space of a week. So, given the company he partook in, it was no big leap for me to believe that Remus would do similarly.

The thought plagued me all throughout Transfiguration that Tuesday so that McGonagall kept me after class and gave me extra homework – a foot of parchment on how to properly remove the feathers from your peacock-turned-frog. I was the last one out of class, just late enough to bump into three unusually early Marauders.

"I was under the impression that the Marauders never showed up for class." I said, feeling surprisingly at ease around them, despite the fact that Remus had never introduced us (me being his _secret_ girlfriend, after all).

"We make an occasional visit, every now and again. Just to keep up appearances." Sirius smirked as they made their way to their seats. It struck me how perfect this moment was; any girl at Hogwarts would give up their wand arm just for the opportunity to be in their presence. Spectacularly, I had even managed not to make a fool of myself – yet. I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to ask about Remus, but that would be going against the only rule Remus had asked of me. I struggled to make up my mind. Not saying anything and walking out right now would feel like a complete waste. Besides, any casual fan had the right to ask where Remus was. On the other hand, there was always the possibility that they would read too much into any casual question I asked. The Marauders were a passionate group of guys; what if they decided to take an interest in me if I pried too deeply into their group? I stood on tenterhooks, watching the back of their perfect heads for any hint that they knew who I was.

"She's watching us," Peter whispered loudly to his mates, and I blushed deep crimson when I realized what I must look like to them.

"She's just another crazy fan; blow her a kiss and she'll run after it," Sirius said, leaning his chair back on its hind legs. He craned his neck back and watched me, upside down. "What's the matter, love? Need directions?"

"I just-"

"Cut it out, Padfoot. The girl's in shock." James snuck a foot under Sirius' chair and kicked gently, just enough to send him off balance. James stood up and walked over to me, courteously holding out an arm. Behind him, Sirius was glaring daggers at me. "Can I walk you to your next class?"

"Th-that would be lovely." I snuck my hand into the crook of James' arm and we walked out of the classroom, almost running over the Head Girl, Lily Evans, who seemed quite taken aback.

"Potter! …And friend," She looked me over carefully, then back to James. "Is this…?"

"Oh, no, it's not what you think!" He said, quickly extracting himself from my side. "Not that, you wouldn't make a wonderful girlfriend," he added hastily, looking to me. All the smarmy charm from just moments ago vanished rapidly into thin air. "I'm just escorting this lovely young lady to her next class over at…erm…"

"Greenhouse Six." I whispered.

"…Greenhouse Six." He shuffled aside to let Lily Evans into the classroom, adding weakly, "Just doing my duty – Head Boy, you know…"

He watched her go inside, looking so forlorn I could have sworn he was breaking apart. I nudged him, gently.

"I should go," I said, glancing at my watch. He turned back to me, confused. "You don't need to walk me – I know my way."

He seemed torn, glancing back at the door quickly. "I offered to escort you, madam, and I will." He offered up his arm once again, dapper as ever. "Shall we?"

We plodded along in silence – torturously unbearable for me, but there was a pleasant little smile on James' face which suggested that he was enjoying himself. That was the way of the Marauder; achingly perfect every single minute of every day.

But it was all a lie. After all, I knew Remus wasn't like that; it was just a front he put up to deal with the fans. And I had just seen James fall to pieces in front of Lily Evans, but the second she was gone he snapped back to perfection. I guess they all had their own way of dealing with the stress of being perfect. James fixated his attention on the one person who refused to accept his charade and Remus secretly scoped the castle for someone who he could connect with on a personal level. I've since learned that Sirius made it a rule to date only muggles, girl or boy – it didn't matter, as long as they were a muggle – and Peter, despite his bumbling appearance, managed to charm his way into half the female population's collective pants. They each had a way of dealing with the fact that they didn't have to perfect, or clever, or pureblooded, or the oddball, but at the same time they refused to drop their Marauder personas. It seemed like an awful lot of work, really, and what was the point of it all?

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. I meant the whole Marauder business in general, but walking me to class was odd, too. It was not unlike him to go after lost, confused, or otherwise helpless students, but it seemed odd for him to be doing something like this for me. After all, I was just another love-struck groupie, as far as he knew.

"Doing what?" He glanced at his watch (which I thought odd, at the time, him having a watch) and walked us just a little faster. I knew he was anxious to get back to Lily and Greenhouse Six was a long ways away.

"Walking me out here, you don't even know who I am."

"I know who you are," he replied, casually. "I know who everybody is; it's my job to know."

"Because you're Head Boy?"

"Exactly. I have to be on top of the students – know what they're doing, what they're planning." He led us down a deserted corridor that led opposite the way to the doors but that – thanks to Remus' extensive training - I knew contained a secret passageway. I pretended otherwise, though, pulling back. "Trust me," he smiled, tugging me along a little more forcefully.

"You know those amazing after-hours parties the students throw every holiday and Quidditch match?" He continued, after a time. "Who do you think organizes those?"

"That's you?" I gaped.

"Well, Lily and I..." He pulled aside a tapestry and beckoned me in. "And our prefects."

"But...why? That isn't official school sanctioned business is it?" I thought of Dumbledore, up in his office plotting Halloween parties for the upperclassmen, and giggled. James, who had just put his hand on the small of my back to guide me through the passageway, stiffened.

"No, but it's good to give the students a little something to keep them going. All work and no play...etcetera." We emerged just outside the Great Hall and James poked his head around the corner. "Coast is clear." We continued, arm in arm, and he ran a hand through his hair. "Besides, we need to make sure no one gets up to anything too dangerous."

I snorted. Having a marauder caution people against danger was the most unlikely thing I'd ever heard of. "So the Marauders are now safety-patrol men?"

"No, it's nothing like that." He grinned. "It may not seem like it but we're all about keeping Hogwarts safe. It's a dangerous world out there and we'd like to keep this castle safe from harm."

I knew that was true enough. We walked along in silence for another few minutes and I wondered again if he knew about Remus and I. He said it was his job to know all about his students. Surely he knew that Remus snuck out every night to see someone and, if he was keeping such close tabs on the students that were under his charge, then he would know that I was also sneaking out to see someone. He didn't mention it, though, and I figured he wasn't as perfect as he let on.

We came closer and closer to the Greenhouses and I wondered how bad it would be if I asked. It was just a simple question; surely anyone would wonder where the fourth marauder was? And really, would it be a terrible thing for James to know that Remus was dating? Why did they insist on never dating anyway?

"James?" I asked, before I lost all of my nerve. "Why don't any of the marauders ever date?"

We walked along in silence for a few minutes and I began to wonder if he had even heard me. I was about to just let it go when he started speaking, so quiet I didn't hear him at first.

"The four of us are a family," he said, somehow managing to look thoughtful and unconcerned at the same time. "We don't need anyone else; we're complete just the way we are."

"But, you must have liked someone the whole time you were here?" I insisted, remembering how just minutes ago he had fallen apart in the presence of Lily Evans.

"Of course we have." James said, stiffening slightly, but smiling, nonetheless, "Peter's fallen in love at least twice a year since our third year, and Sirius was completely head-over-heels for some bird last year, but...it wouldn't be worth losing our friendship over some girl."

There it was. He didn't want to break up the family. Somehow, he reasoned, a girl would come between them and break them apart. Well, I wasn't anybody to say that it wouldn't. After all, wasn't the time Remus spent with me, just time taken away from the Marauders? James was madly in love with Evans, but he stayed away from her for the good of the Marauders. For Remus to date would be considered selfish by his friends, but what kind of teenaged boy wouldn't be interested in dating? Remus, especially, needed a distraction every now and again. He wasn't built to take the constant strain of being famous; he needed someone to share mundane moments with and, for some miraculous reason, he had decided to share them with me. I decided that I was going to try my best not to disappoint him.

"Here we are," James said, as we came to a halt. I turned to face him, to thank him, but he was looking past me. I followed his gaze to see a couple of students, blatantly staring at us through the grimy windows of Greenhouse Six.

"Sorry about that," I said, turning back to him. He checked his watch again, and realized how late it was.

"Well, there's no way I'm making it to Transfiguration today," he sighed.

I tried my best to look grateful and sorry, but he smiled kindly down on me, tilting my chin up and looking me in the eyes.

"Let's give them an eyeful," he said, smirking as he nodded towards the Greenhouse. I recognized something familiar in his stare and suddenly my hand was to his lips. I was too stunned to say anything, but before I knew it he had brought my hand down away from his face.

"There," he said, waving me away as he headed back toward the castle. "That should keep you in the spotlight for a minute or two."

"What?" I asked, confused. This was as unlike James Potter as I had ever known.

"You want to be popular, don't you?" He stood in place, still facing away from me. "That'll keep you out of the books and free from homework until January, at least."

"I don't understand," I said, not caring that by now the whole class had their noses pressed up to the windows of the greenhouse.

James turned back to look at me, his stare now cold and distant. "I know who you are," he said. "You like gossip and you like fame, and if there's a way for you to profit from one then I'm sure you'll do anything to get to the other." He glanced at the crowd that had gathered and then back to the castle. "You're a Hufflepuff, right? Unafraid of toil?" He slunk closer to me, whispering in my ear. "But what if there was an easier way to get what you want?"

Suddenly, his lips were on mine and I stood in shock. Behind us, I heard the collective gasp of the sixth year Herbology students, and it registered in my head that James Potter had his lips on mine even though only seconds ago he had been saying the most hurtful things.

I regained my senses then and pushed him away, roughly. "Just what do you think you're doing?" I shouted, my mind racing. James Potter did not date girls. He did not flirt with girls, he did not hold hands with girls, and he did not kiss girls. And yet, he had just kissed me. I had half a mind to slap him, but he smirked devilishly, that same Marauder look in his eyes that I had seen in Remus'.

"You've got what you wanted," he said. "A Marauder's kiss?" He turned away and started back to the castle. "Now stay away from him."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing; it makes my day and encourages me to write. :D Here is chapter four.

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><p>I stood immobile for several minutes. Behind me, the doors to the greenhouse opened wide and for a moment the air was filled with the half-screeching, half-crying sounds of girls desperate to make sense of what they had just seen. The doors shut and it was absolute quiet once again. A pair of strong hands took hold of my shoulders, guiding me gently inside.<p>

I was quickly engulfed by a wave of girls, itching to touch my hand, my lips.

"How do _you_ know James?" They cried, sidling up to me like good friends. They knew how it worked. If they made nice with me, they'd have an in to the wonderful world of Sirius Black. They struggled to separate me from my guardian and for an instant Professor Sprout's hand left my shoulder. I panicked, groping anxiously through the crowd for Professor Sprout; I just wanted them all to go away.

"Settle down girls," Professor Sprout said calmly but forcefully enough to send the crowd scattering. She plopped a pair of fuzzy pink earmuffs over my ears and all I heard was the muted buzz of the class chattering away as I shuffled toward my usual seat. My two best friends, Alice and Lavinia, were waiting for me anxiously, as excited and flushed as if they had been the ones to have kissed James Potter. "How was it?" They asked me, their voices overflowing with bubbly giggles. I frowned, pointing to my earmuffs as if I hadn't heard them.

"I'll bet it was delicious," Lavinia said, clasping her powder-blue earmuffs in her hands. "Head Boy - Quidditch Captain - Prankster King, oh!" She fanned herself faintly and Alice giggled.

"I think it was sweet." She said, fluffing her earmuffs delicately. "It looked so gentle. I'll bet he's only just told her he likes her, that's why he was afraid to hold her."

"Well it would explain why Miss Flabbergast is so surprised." Lavinia smirked, nodding in my direction. I pretended to flip through my notes. "What I don't understand, is why she hasn't told us she's been seeing him."

"Maybe they wanted to keep it a secret," Alice said gently. "I mean, she's been sneaking out for a while, probably to see him, and she hasn't told us anything about it."

"Earmuffs on!" Professor Sprout called out loudly.

"Well now she's _got_ to tell us." Lavinia grinned, slipping on her earmuffs. Alice did the same, and I looked guiltily down at my notes. They knew I'd been sneaking out but hadn't said anything. And all this time I'd thought I was being sneaky.

Professor Sprout motioned wildly, capturing everyone's attention. She pulled out a large pot and, after making sure all eyes were on her, grabbed hold of the big leafy stems and gave a strong tug. There was a scream – too loud and too shrill to be mine - and I fainted dead away.

I came to sometime later, in what I assumed was the Hospital Wing. My head was pounding; the echo of that shrill scream was bouncing around the inside of my skull, feeling like it would split my head open each time it started again. Someone was forcing potions down my throat like nobody's business and I obligingly choked them down. I realized, with a start, that I was unable to open my eyes. Each time I tried to crack them open the light that filtered through would make the screaming louder.

Gradually, the rate of potions being forced down my throat slowed. The screams quieted to just a shrill buzz and I managed to open my eyes just a crack. It was dark outside the windows, but the dim light flickering from the candle at my bedside was enough to make me sick to my stomach.

"What happened?" I asked thickly, as I tried to sit up.

"You fainted away when we pulled the mandrakes up. Must not have had your earmuffs on properly." Madame Pomfrey said, primly looking over at Professor Sprout.

"It was completely my fault," Professor Sprout said guiltily, though looking incredibly relieved to see me. "I should have made sure everyone had their earmuffs on properly." Her face softened suddenly, her eyes nearly spilling over with tears. "I wasn't sure you'd wake up, ducky." She fell into a chair beside my bedside, and I realized how haggard she looked. Her hair, frizzy and flyaway, seemed frizzier than usual and the flickering candlelight made her look older than the thirty-something she must have been. "I'm just glad you're alright." She took my hand, squeezing it tightly. She had always been my favorite professor, and it was moments like these that reminded me why.

"Yes, well, she'll definitely need to stay here through the night, and all day tomorrow as well." Madame Pomfrey also looked relieved, but when she looked at me it was through pitying eyes. "Her parents will have to be notified."

"I've already notified her parents, but I'll let them know she's alright." Professor Sprout smiled. "You'll be okay for a few minutes?" she asked me.

"I'll be fine," I managed, closing my eyes. "Those mandrakes sure do pack a punch."

Sprout squeezed my hand one last time and left the ward. It was nearly silent, only the quiet muttering of Pomfrey as she fussed over a patient at the far end of the ward. I blew out the candle and settled into my bed, imagining how nice it would be if I could stay here forever, without having to see James Potter ever again. Or, for that matter, Remus Lupin.

Getting involved with the marauders, I realized, had been a mistake. They were an anomaly, a once in a lifetime kind of people and I was just another lowly Hufflepuff who was too nosy to mind her own business. I really liked Remus; he was handsome, and funny, and adventurous in a way Hufflepuffs weren't and maybe that's why we weren't meant to mix. James seemed to be aware of what was going on and he didn't approve. That would probably be enough to split us apart.

"Hey, how you doing, sugar face?" I recognized that voice instantly. Everyone at Hogwarts could recognize that voice.

"Mister Black." I opened my eyes and saw him sitting at my bedside, his elegant profile in full prominence as the light from the full moon outside filtered in through the window. He turned towards me and pulled a face, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue.

"You didn't, by any chance, snog the Head Boy today, did you?" He asked casually.

I closed my eyes tightly and turned away.

"I would never."

"Word of mouth has it that you two spent ten minutes outside the Greenhouses snogging each other senseless today." Sirius said, slowly dragging out his words. "Snogging."

"I did not 'snog' anyone; James forced himself on me, and said some very nasty things."

"How in the world, does any of what you just said make sense?"

I opened my eyes and glared at him, wishing my words were made of mandrakes. "I don't know, which is why I'm so confused."

Sirius shook his head. "You can thank your friend the mandrake for that. Really, what were you thinking?" He curled up in the chair, yawning very openly. "Well, I'm just going to make myself comfortable because until you tell me what really happened, I'm not leaving."

"That is what happened!" Sirius rolled his eyes pointedly, looking at the ceiling. "If you don't believe me then you should just go ask Potter."

Sirius pouted. "He won't talk to me."

"What? Why not?" I was getting really frustrated. I had just made up my mind to give up the marauders and here was a new one, dragging me back into their business.

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be here talking to you, would I?'

I sighed loudly and closed my eyes again, hoping he would leave sometime soon.

"Are you leaving anytime soon?"

"Unlikely."

I burrowed deep under my blankets. _These boys are impossible._ I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke with a desperate urge to use the restroom. It was still dark outside, and Sirius was still sleeping in the chair beside my bed. His dark hair was tousled elegantly over his face and he looked quite comfortable despite the fact that he was splayed awkwardly across the wide chair, one leg hanging loosely off the side. He looked undeniably adorable and it was easy to see why he had half the school vying desperately for his attention.

I remembered then something James had told me the day before. Sirius had liked a girl, a girl here at Hogwarts, just last year. It was easy enough to believe that his love would have been reciprocated – he was _that_ handsome – but in the end they hadn't dated. Obviously, Sirius had refrained from acting on his feelings. I wondered vaguely if he regretted it.

I didn't watch him long. I hurried to the lavatory at the end of the ward, stepping quickly over the cold stone floors.

When I had finished, I made my way to the washbasin, barely visible through the dim light that filtered in through the small windows in the room, and caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was scraggly and unkempt, but otherwise I looked much the same as always.

I had always entertained the notion that the Marauders were other worldly; that they were brightly shining stars among a sea of dull students. They lit up every inch of this castle, and anyone who associated with them for long enough would also start to shine. Lily Evans shone. And her best friend Dorcas Meadowes. As soon as James became Quidditch Captain, the whole team started to shine, winning match after match from the sheer luminosity their captain provided.

I was now linked to two different Marauders. James had kissed me in front of a large crowd of gossipy students; whether I had wanted it or not, I was now an associate of the Marauders & Co, at least in the eyes of the students.

Even more importantly (well, to me at least), I was dating Remus Lupin. Secretly, yes, and we had yet to kiss, but in the grand scheme of things, it was my ties to him that linked me to the Marauders.

Over the course of the last few weeks Remus and I had tiptoed around each other all over the castle. He brushed beside me in the corridors as I made my way around Hogwarts - we stole covert glances of each other at dinner. I always made sure to sit facing away from him lest I end up staring tenderly at him over my mashed potatoes. My friends mentioned that I was glowing, which I vehemently denied, but secretly I hoped it was true. I had always wanted to shine like the Marauders and it seemed like my chance had finally arrived.

So why didn't I shine?

I sighed, turning the tap to wash my hands, and wondered if I would ever have the opportunity to talk to Remus again – if I even wanted to. Unless I was very much mistaken, James' last words to me had been a threat.

Just then the door creaked open. Remus slunk inside, carefully closing the door. I was so surprised I forgot to scream. For a brief instant, I knew he and I were wondering the same thing: did I even want to see him?

The answer was clear to me almost immediately. I ran to him, on the verge of tears, and he opened his arms to receive me in a strong embrace.

"Where have you been?" I murmured into his shoulder. "I was so worried about you."

He squeezed me tighter. "I've been … busy." He pulled me away and looked me over carefully. "I heard that you've been busy, as well."

"Oh, it was awful!" I wailed, unable to hold back my tears. "I thought m-maybe I could ask him where you were and he offered to t-take me to class b-but then he started saying stuff about g-girls breaking up your friendship and why you had never d-dated and then I d-decided not to ask about you b-but then he started saying such _awful_ things and then he g-grabbed me and he k-kissed me and I was so confused!" I tried to wipe away my tears but they wouldn't stop. Remus pulled me close to him but I pushed him away. "He knows about us; he told me to stay away from you."

"I know," Remus said softly, frowning. "I talked to him."

"W-what did he say?"

Remus shrugged. "Basically everything you just told me."

I blinked away a few last tears. James Potter was _not_ a good person.

"He's right though," Remus murmured. "It would be best if you left me alone."

"I don't want to." I said, obstinately crossing my arms. Remus smiled.

"I'm glad."

"But everything will be alright now, won't it?" I frowned as I struggled to connect the pieces. "The only reason this had to be kept a secret was to keep it from Potter, right? So do we still need to hide?"

"James isn't the only reason," Remus said, fidgeting with his wand. "It's actually kind of complicated." I watched him carefully in the dim light that filtered in through the windows; outside, the sky was getting lighter. "Just trust that it would be easier for you if you didn't know." He said, grasping my hands dramatically.

"Is this more marauder business that I shouldn't get involved in?" I asked, tired of being so confused. The shrill buzzing had returned to my ears, still quiet, but getting louder every minute.

Remus gave a small nod and I almost screamed. After everything James put Remus through, why was he still so happy to play along with their silly little charade? James had spied on us, harassed and threatened me, and possibly also Remus. He was doing everything in his power to split us apart and he hadn't even taken the time to get to know me or to ask how Remus felt. It was too much for me; I was almost tempted to ask Remus to choose: was it going to be me or the Marauders?

But, wasn't that exactly why James didn't want us together? He was afraid I would break up their friendship. I couldn't stand to let James' underhanded ways drive us apart but I couldn't bear to prove him right, either.

I swallowed hard. "We'll find a way." I'd show him. "We have to." I could be just as stubborn as he was.

Remus watched me carefully, one eyebrow quirked curiously. I shuddered, acutely aware of the fact that I had yet to brush my teeth and my hair was still disheveled. With the growing light filtering in through the window, he was probably realizing how awful I looked. I tried to step away, but he stopped me, placing one hand just under my chin and forcing me to look up at him. A jolt of energy pulsed through me and I froze.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and there was a large flash of light accompanied by a loud scream. I clamped my eyes shut and fell to my knees. The screaming stopped but my head was pounding.

Sirius Black stepped into the room.

"Expelliarmus!" He cried, but his wand clattered to the floor. Remus had cast a quick shield charm, and Sirius' spell had rebounded back on him.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked. I shook my head gently, unable to move without a great deal of pain.

"What's going on?" Sirius stood awkwardly by the door. His wand still lay on the floor close to me.

"We need to get her to Madame Pomfrey." Remus' voice was loud, but it wavered. "Open the door, I'll carry her out."

"No!" I clamped my eyes shut tightly. "It's the light." I managed to rasp out. I heard Sirius walk over to me and he forced my hands away.

"It's alright," he said softly, placing something over my face. "Open your eyes."

I shook my head obstinately. My head felt like it was about to split apart.

"You'll be okay, I promise." Remus whispered in my ear.

I sniffed loudly. I really must have looked like a mess.

Cautiously, I opened my eyes. The room was completely dark. I realized what Sirius must have slipped on my face – his lucky sunglasses.

"Your lucky sunglasses…" I murmured, turning to him. He grinned.

"Reckon you could use a little luck about now."

I nearly squealed with delight.

Since his third year, Sirius had kept one sturdy pair of sunglasses in the inside pocket of his robes, pulling them out whenever the occasion called for it. There were legends made about those glasses: they were forged by leprechauns, crafted out of sphinx talons, embedded with phoenix feathers. People said that McGonagall had attempted to confiscate them once, but they burned the touch of anyone but their master. They said that Sirius' wand had been broken during the legendary Quidditch match of 1976, but that with just a tap from his sunglasses, it had been instantly repaired. They said that Sirius didn't allow even James Potter to touch them, and that the last person who had touched them without his permission had been visited by the Grim a few days later. He was so shook up, he had walked right up to the Whomping Willow and nearly died.

And I had the privilege to wear them.

"Do you think you can make it out now?" Remus asked. I nodded carefully; sharp pains still shot through my head when I made any sudden movements, but they were lessening.

Remus took my hand and helped me up, wrapping his arm around my waist. Sirius stood at my other side, motioning for me to drape my arm around his shoulder. Together, we made our way out the door and over to my bed, where Madame Pomfrey had set up camp. She held open the hangings around my bed, fretting over me as the boys slowly let me inside the enclosure. It was dark – she had cast a darkness charm around my bed – and only the flickering light of a single candle shone.

"Where on Earth have you been?" she muttered, more to herself than to me. She seemed to have no intention of letting me answer so I made no attempt to do so and she frowned as I settled into my bed. "And what is that ridiculous thing you're wearing?" She made as if to reach for them but Sirius intercepted her.

"Those are mine." He said, gingerly plucking them off my face. "They're sunglasses – er…" He grinned at the confused look on her face. "It's a muggle thing."

"They block out bright lights," Remus explained. "Muggles use them to see better in bright sunlight. Sirius thought it would be a good idea if she wore them while we helped her over."

"I see…" Pomfrey murmured as she rummaged through the bed tray on the dresser. It was full of potions in different sized bottles and she sighed as she held up a half-empty one. "This is what we use to help decrease the intensity of light in a patient, but it has a few negative side-effects."

"Such as..?" Sirius prompted.

Madame Pomfrey stared at him, remembering something.

"You're not allowed in here!" She said suddenly. "Out! Out! This is private information which I can only discuss with the patient and her family."

"They can stay!" I said, blushing. "They're my…friends."

Remus smiled as Sirius rounded expectantly on Pomfrey.

"See? We're her _friends._" He said.

"No visitors!" She insisted. "You may say goodbye, but that's final."

She bustled out of the hangings, presumably to give us a little privacy. Remus looked after her with a little smile on his face, before he turned to me.

"I guess this is goodbye." He said, bending over to give me a half-hug.

"I doubt this is the last we'll see of her." Sirius said. "After all, she did snog ol' Prongs."

Remus stiffened and backed away. Sirius, not noticing the change, bent down to give me a hug, slipping the sunglasses into my hands.

"Here. They'll probably do you more good than they will me." He stood up just as Pomfrey re-entered the enclosure.

"Alright, it's time for you two to leave," she said.

"But Poppy…" Sirius whined. Pomfrey glared at him.

"Out!" She said, pointing a trembling finger towards the exit. I had never really noticed before, but Pomfrey couldn't have been much older than twenty-five.

"Figures." Sirius grinned, as she ushered them out. "The only one she really likes is Peter."

"NOW!" she said, practically shoving them out. I covered my eyes as Sirius crashed through the hangings; when I re-opened my eyes Pomfrey was busy corking and uncorking potion bottles.

In the dim candlelight, I could see Pomfrey was blushing.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus Lupin cast a backwards look to the closing Infirmary door and the present source of his discomfort. Sirius Black tugged on the sleeve of his robe, Remus's robe, and together they made their way to the Great Hall. It was nearing 7 AM; they would have to make an appearance soon.

"What do you reckon?" Sirius asked, nodding as a couple of half-clothed Ravenclaws walked past them. "About the girl?"

"What is there to know?" Remus answered. He was afraid of where this conversation was heading.

"Don't be thick, Moony. I know about the girl."

"Does everyone know?" Remus sighed, exasperated. "Is there no such thing as privacy?"

"Not for us." Sirius said, his voice nearly a growl. "You should know that by now."

Remus glared sullenly into space. "I should." He muttered. "I'm a selfish person." He said suddenly, flashing puppy-dog eyes at Sirius.

"Ha!" Sirius' sharp laugh resounded loudly through the early morning quiet that perforated the halls. "You have every right to be, more so than most, actually." He draped an arm over Remus' shoulder, pulling him close. "And you have every right to remain being a blithering idiot, but if you want to continue wooing your lady love you're going to need some professional assistance."

Remus glanced up at Sirius, considering his words. "Would you..?"

"I would love to." Sirius beamed. "But, you're going to have to trust me."

"I do trust you," Remus answered, his voice wavering. "But this isn't going to be another one of your crazy schemes, is it?"

Sirius grinned as he opened the doors to the great hall then, deftly, punched Remus square in the jaw.

There was a moment of hesitance. Remus was acutely aware of the focused concentration of at least a hundred students, not to mention the Headmaster and associated staff of Hogwarts. He took a deep breath, smiled a vicious smile, and tackled Sirius to the floor.

There was a small scuffle – Sirius, being both bigger and stronger than Remus, had him easily pinned down within moments. The staff, realizing what was going on, gathered around and attempted to pry them apart, but it wasn't until McGonagall broke through the struggling mess of arms and legs, her wand held aloft, that they managed to separate them.

"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded. Remus glared at Sirius who, despite his heaving chest, seemed to be having the time of his life.

"Just settling a minor dispute Professor," he grinned. He nudged Remus who, despite his better judgment, nodded.

"Well it's detention for the both of you." She stated simply. "Tonight, in my office."

"_Not lines again_!" Sirius groaned.

"Lines." She sniffed haughtily and returned to the Staff Table, failing to see Sirius' grin.

"What was that for?" Remus frowned as they made their way over to James and Peter.

"The punch or the lines bit?"

"Both." Remus rubbed at his shoulder; he tackling Sirius was the human equivalent of a puppy tackling a friendly – but still quite large – bear. Not to mention the fact that he was still sore from his transformation a few days ago. "You know I hate lines."

Sirius grinned. "But I don't."

They sat down opposite James and Peter, the latter of whom almost instantly jumped up and ran out of the room. It hadn't occurred to Remus before, but it was obvious that James had sent Sirius, and now Peter, to make sure he stayed out of the infirmary.

He scowled into his plate. Never before had breakfast looked so unappetizing to him.

Across the way, James was watching Remus carefully. He _had_ sent Peter to the infirmary to watch over the girl but if his not-so-secret plan to separate Remus from the girl was going to work, Remus needed to play along. Unfortunately, he didn't seem in the mood.

"Whatssa matter, Prongs?" Sirius asked through a mouthful of porridge. "Aren't you gonna go visit your girlfriend today?"

Remus choked on his toast – James continued chewing his bacon, thoughtfully.

"She's not – " Remus sputtered, reaching for a goblet of orange juice. "She isn't your-"

Sirius clapped him soundly on the back, knocking the goblet out of his hands and through the air directly towards James.

"Evanesco." James muttered, flicking his wand casually. "I suppose it would be proper to make an appearance."

"But…but – " Remus coughed. He reached for the nearest goblet to him, which just so happened to belong to Sirius, and quickly brought it to his mouth.

"You can't –" He started choking again as the liquid burned its way down his throat. "You have Firewhiskey for breakfast?" He gasped, glaring at Sirius.

"I have Firewhiskey at every meal." Sirius shrugged.

Remus growled at him.

"Well, if no one has any objections then it's decided. I'll visit her during Potions." James said smartly.

"You don't take Potions." Remus pointed out.

"No. But you do." He smiled angelically and Remus felt he had no choice but to drop the subject. He fished around for another goblet, Sirius smiling brightly next to him.

"Hoping for a little privacy, eh Prongs?"

James pretended to look affronted. "A gentleman never tells." He scoffed.

Sirius' sharp laugh cut through the tension and soon a warm atmosphere settled throughout the hall. Sirius and James started cracking jokes, delighting everyone within earshot. Remus' mood lifted, despite himself, and he sat meekly, listening to their playful banter as he took small sips of his orange juice.

James knew Remus hated to skip class unless it was for health reasons; every month Remus was conspicuously absent for three to five days and he felt that that set him back enough. He was not about to skip class just to supervise his best mate and his secret girlfriend making idle conversation.

What did he have to worry about anyway?

Remus cast a sideways glance at James who was busy retelling the story of how he had single-handedly managed to get broomsticks banned for all first-years. The crowd around him (and it was _definitely_ a large enough group of people to be classified as a crowd) was so in awe of his story that they didn't even notice as Sirius started making snow lightly dust their section of the Gryffindor table.

There was just something about James that drew people to him and it was this same quality that made Remus forgive him again and again for ruining his relationships. All of them secret, all of them failures. In the end, Remus knew that was best but he couldn't stop himself from wishing he could have just one normal relationship before he was out of Hogwarts. Before the Ministry demanded he make public his condition.

But with the war going on, it seemed like things would only get worse from –

Remus was struck, suddenly, by a large snowball.

"What was that for?" He demanded, wiping the sludge off his face.

"You had your worry face on," Sirius grinned. The crowd had finally noticed the snow and many were seen making miniature snowmen on the tabletop. "I thought it would help take your mind off of…whatever."

Remus grabbed a handful of snow and stuck it down the front of Sirius' robes. "That was _cold._" He chuckled.

Sirius shook his head, holding up a hard-boiled egg. "No, it was _fowl._"

"You are both awful." James frowned. He nodded at Sirius. "Aren't you going to get that stuff out of your robes?"

"I _radiate_ heat." Sirius said, matter-of-factly. "It's already evaporated. Watch this." He held his hand out to the snow still on the table and it melted away almost instantly.

"Clever. A specialized dissipating frost charm?" Remus asked.

"No, it's a dedicated frost vanishing charm." James answered.

"You're both wrong." Sirius said, standing up. "I just made it so that when I touch it, the snow melts."

Remus rolled his eyes and James laughed. Other than Peter's absence, this was a perfect moment – a clear reminder of why Remus put up with the marauders.

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><p>So here is the latest chapter - a bit different from the standard. I'd like to apologize for posting so late; I had been hoping to post a chapter every week but things are busy for me right now, hence the short (and sub-par) chapter. Things will be back to normal (hopefully) after the holidays, so it will definitely be at least a month before the next chapter but I'm hoping to get a filler going so I can post once a week after that.<p>

Many thanks to every single one of you who has reviewed. I wish I could personally respond to you but I am dreadfully lost on this website and have no idea how to do that. :/ I _do_ have a tumblr; it's empty right now, but I'm thinking of filling it with all the stuff in my headcanon so if you would like to ask questions about the fic, or me, or just be friends you can look me up there. I'm at sidlicide[dot]tumblr[dot]com.

Thanks for sticking with me through these last five chapters, here's looking at (at least) five more!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Wow. I just want to take a minute to say thanks to anyone who's still following this story even though I promised an update about a month ago. I'm sorry for having you wait so long. Here's chapter six; chapter seven is in the works so hopefully the wait won't be nearly as long. C:

Please review, it's always a pleasure to hear from each and every one of you who enjoys my story. Don't be hesitant to let me know what you think, I promise I can take it. ;)

Again, sorry for the long wait, and please enjoy.

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><p>Madame Pomfrey didn't tell me anything I hadn't already figured out myself. She said something about auditory frequencies and synaptic overload – technical words that didn't hold any meaning with me. I wasn't blind, but only just, and there was a very real chance I wouldn't get any better.<p>

"But there _is _a chance you _will_ get better." Professor Sprout stressed. "As long as you take these potions and keep away from bright lights, we'll see whether or not your eyes are responding to the _Quiritatio Claudeo_ charm Madame Pomfrey performed by the end of the month."  
>"And if they aren't?" Sprout squeezed my hand and for once I wasn't comforted.<br>"Then you'll be nearly blind for the rest of your life." Pomfrey answered.  
>A dead weight had settled in my stomach and I felt sick. Blind for the rest of my life? What about Quidditch? What about <em>Hogwarts?<em> Would I be cast back to my muggle family? I loved my parents, but after seeing all the things the magical world had to offer, after realizing how much I had left to see, being sent back to live as a muggle was unthinkable. I had abandoned my muggle schooling when my Hogwarts letter came; how could I be expected to take my CSE's? How would I become a fully-functioning member of society if I didn't even have a proper education?  
>"Do my parents know? What did they say?" I turned my unseeing eyes towards Professor Sprout, aware of how, even with the dim candlelight flickering from behind a sheer screen, my head was starting to hint at a headache.<br>"Your parents are aware of the situation but are unable to visit. Being muggles, well – Hogwarts was built with the main purpose of keeping muggles away."  
>"I understand." I did understand, all too easily.<br>Diagon Alley was our first hurdle, though easily handled. My first time there Professor McGonagall had tapped on the bricks and the wall folded away, allowing my parents, my sister, and I easy passage. King's Cross was a bit more difficult. We had to say our goodbyes on the muggle side of the wall. It pained me, somehow, to know that they would never see that scarlet train – that they would never step foot on Platform 9 3/4's. But this was worse.  
>I wanted my parents. I wanted my mum to stroke my hair and my dad to reassure me and I wanted to have the knowledge that they were at hand, should I need them but that wasn't going to happen. They were so far away and there was no way of getting them anywhere near here and for the first time in a long time I felt desperately alone.<br>"I do have some good news, though." Sprout said. I couldn't see her face, but I could tell that she was smiling. "They're sending your sister!"  
>"Not…" I frowned. "Please don't tell me they're sending Bertha!"<br>"Is that a problem dear?" Sprout asked, concerned. I grimaced.  
>"Of course it isn't a problem." Pomfrey said as she bustled over with a tray full of potions. "She'll need someone to look after her while she's at her lessons and Bertha's offered to help her little sister out so long as she gets a good recommendation at the Ministry for her services. Everybody wins."<br>"Everyone but me." I muttered. Pomfrey handed me a goblet and I sniffed it cautiously. "Can't Alice and Lavinia look after me? They're wicked responsible."  
>"And have them start shirking their other duties?" Pomfrey scoffed as she tipped the goblet to my mouth.<br>"Alice is prefect this year and has patrols and Lavinia, well, she's been having a hard enough time just keeping up this year." Sprout said gently. "They've got a lot on their plates and it would be unfair to ask them for more, don't you think."  
>"I suppose you're right, Professor." I ran a mental list of everyone I knew at Hogwarts but everyone in my year was having a hard time adjusting to the increased workload, and all the 5th and 7th years were busy studying their O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s. "I told Lavinia not to take Arithmancy." I muttered to myself.<br>I finished my potions and Pomfrey smiled primly down at me. "You are to stay for three more days, after which I will teach you the _Obfuscating Charm_. It's a wee bit tricky, especially when you're performing it on yourself, but it'll be necessary in order for you to be able to go to your lessons."  
>"Shouldn't Bertha be the one learning it then? That way she can just do it on me."<br>Pomfrey tutted. "I remember Bertha and in all sincerity, I'd sleep sounder if I knew you were the one handling any magic. She _will_ be in charge of making sure you take your potions, though, and keeping you from going outside."  
>"I'm not allowed outside?" I whined. "But what about Quidditch?"<br>"You're not to play until I am one-hundred percent certain you are healed."  
>"I know I can't play," I gasped, exasperated, "But can't I watch, at least? Gryffindor is playing Ravenclaw next Saturday and I was really looking forward to it."<br>"Well you should have thought of that before playing with mandrakes." She huffed. Sprout squeezed my hand again, a bit harder this time, and Pomfrey left my bedside.  
>"I didn't do it on purpose." I pouted.<br>"I know dear." Pomfrey patted my hand gently. "Poppy just wants what's best for your safety and, well, mandrakes aren't the safest plants this far into their development." She said, guiltily.  
>"I don't want you to think this is even the least bit your fault, Professor!" I exclaimed. "I was completely off guard and not paying attention. I'm sure this sort of thing would never happen in any of your other classes; I was just a bit preoccupied that day, is all."<br>"Well, I should have known better, especially after what transpired between you and Mister Potter." Professor Sprout stood and made her way to the exit. "By the way, there's been a young man out here waiting for you. Should I send him in?"  
>My stomach somersaulted as I thought of Remus. He hated missing class.<br>"Yes, Professor." I called. "And thank you!"  
>"Any time, dear."<br>Remus had been waiting for me all day? The thought made my heart skip. Was he really so eager to see me? Maybe he had made up with James, and had come to let me know.  
>Or was it James who had come to see me? I wouldn't put it past that sneaky, conniving, son of a witch. Well if it was James, I'd have him sent out faster than he could flash that cocky smirk of his.<br>I waited expectantly, but for what seemed like an eternity no one appeared. I heard talking just outside the hangings, and some light laughter, but it didn't sound like anybody I knew.  
>Finally someone walked in, ripping open the hangings and setting off another earsplitting scream inside my head. I ducked under my covers and closed my eyes shut, hoping Pomfrey would give whoever it was a firm scolding.<br>Sure enough, the instant the screaming in my head subsided I was bombarded by the sound of Pomfrey's nagging; thankfully, it wasn't directed at me.  
>"-no respect for the privacy of others? What if she had been undressing? An infirmary is no place for your shenanigans Mr. Pettigrew. She is seriously injured and utmost care is required when dealing with her. Her eyes are incredibly sensitive to light at this stage and it is imperative that we keep her shrouded in darkness at all times."<br>"Oh Merlin, Madame P, I didn't know," Peter said, bashful as ever. "I just came to check up on her. James and the others are real worried about her and I figured I'd stop by to make sure she's alright."  
>"Well that's a wonderful sentiment, Peter, but next time let me know."<br>"I tried, Poppy, but I was distracted by your beautiful green eyes."  
>I heard the same coy laughter and realized Pomfrey was <em>giggling<em>. The thought made me nauseous.  
>"Is it safe to come out now?" I called, hoping she would leave. Or Peter. Or both, though preferably not together.<br>"Yes, yes, the hangings are drawn." Pomfrey said, obviously annoyed that I had interrupted her chat with Peter.  
>I frowned as I emerged from my sanctuary but was glad to see Pomfrey was gone. Peter, however, was staring down at me from the foot of my bed where he sat, cross-legged.<br>"Did James send you?" I asked. It was the only thing that made sense right now.  
>"Yes…" he said, still scrutinizing me. "Yes and no. I was a little bit curious about you."<br>"What are you curious about exactly?" I said, trying my best not to let on how frustrated I was. "About my injury? Or about the rumours that James and I are dating? Or about how James forced himself on me? Or did James tell you I'd take any Marauder and you figured you'd give it a go?"  
>Peter chuckled. "I see the appeal…"<br>"What?" I seethed.  
>"No, not that!" He laughed again, then took a deep breath. "I was wondering why Hufflepuff." He shook his head and grinned. "You lot aren't the most popular around here, you know."<br>I conceded this, slowly nodding my head once, though still entirely confused.  
>"I always figured he'd go after a Ravenclaw. A brainy type like Evans. Or maybe he'd try a little closer to home – go out with one of the chasers. Someone who loves flying as much as he does." He paused for a minute, deep in thought. "You fly, right? You're on the Quidditch team and everything. Er, maybe not anymore, but you were, right?"<br>"You are astoundingly tactless…" I mumbled.  
>Peter laughed. "It's one of my many talents."<br>I couldn't help but grin back. "Well, go on then. I'm still waiting to hear what makes me so appealing."  
>"It's just <em>that<em>! I never would have guessed it, but you have sort of a spunky side that isn't obvious at first glance."  
>"Spunky?"<br>"Yeah. It means you're a bit – I don't know – rebellious…snarky." Peter made a face as he tried to think of the right word. "Spunky."  
>I tried to digest this bit of information but it wasn't registering. "Peter." I said, "We're 'mates' right, I can call you Peter?" I paused, for effect. "I don't care."<br>He didn't seem taken aback at all. In fact, his grin just grew wider. "You will. I've been helping him meet up with his secret girlfriends since fifth year and there are three defining characteristics." It was now his turn to pause for dramatic effect and I considered feigning disinterest but it was no use. I was deeply curious about James' secret girlfriends.  
>"One: they have all been Hufflepuffs. Two: they have all been chasers on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. And three: they have all been – to some extent – 'spunky'."<br>"So, what, I'm just helping him reach his quota for the year?" I laughed, wondering if this was why Remus had been so worried. Did he think I would react badly to being just a number on James' list of secret girlfriends?  
>"You're taking this a lot better than I had expected," Peter said, smiling.<br>"Well, sure." I explained, settling back into my bed and pulling the covers up to my chin. "I mean, it's a despicable thing to do – especially since there are some girls who would kill to be in my position – but I'm glad that's all I mean to him. Once he's done pretending to be my boyfriend I can just forget I ever had anything to do with James Potter at all."  
>"James?" Peter frowned, uneasy understanding spreading across his face. "I was talking about Remus."<br>"I – oh." I looked up as a tall visitor entered through the partition in the hangings. "Oh."  
>"Pete, could you give us a few minutes." James said, handing him a piece of parchment. "Patrol the corridor."<br>Peter left and James sat on my bed, at my side. "I tried to warn you," he murmured, stroking my hair. "I told you to stay away from him."  
>"But this seems so unlike him!" I wailed.<br>"You don't _know_ him." He said, jumping up. James ran a hand through his messy hair, pacing at the foot of my bed. "You only know the stories about him - about _us. _The things people made up when they decided they needed a ragtag group of heroes to help keep their mind off this god-awful war that's ripping their families apart.  
>"It was all too easy. We were clever, rebellious, charming," James grinned. "Handsome. No one would have any problem believing that Sirius tamed the Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest or that Remus raised a blessing of unicorns and had them trained as show ponies. Peter's just eclectic enough to have people believe he's half-centaur and as for me, well, I've got so much money I could buy someone else's life story and sell it as my own.<br>"You don't know a damn thing about us, much less Remus, and I think it's time that you accept that fact. I've drawn up a plan - I'll leave it on your nightstand - about what's going to happen three days from now.  
>"You are to rejoin your friends in the Great Hall. You will actively ignore me, despite multiple loud and anxious shouts by yours truly. I will then proceed to sidle up to you and attempt to engage you in conversation. You will repeatedly shoot me down. When I press you for further information about what is going on with 'you and me' a.k.a. 'us', you will loudly declare that I had better 'fucking know' what is going on with 'us'. You will express your distaste in 'boys' who do not visit their infirm girlfriends, and I will look completely taken aback. You will storm out of the Great Hall and I will stay back, looking forlorn. Sirius will crack a joke at your expense, which I will laugh half-heartedly at. We will then proceed to ignore each other for the rest of our lives."<br>"That sounds amazing." I managed to say, after a while.  
>James sat back down besides me, arms behind his head, and we basked in the mutual silence that came as we both tried to make sense of out thoughts. I became acutely aware of the steady rhythm of my chest as it rose up and down with each breath. It was over.<br>I had endured sleepless nights and restless mornings, hoping with bated breath to catch a glimpse of Remus as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts every day for the last month. I had gone behind my best friends' backs to keep this relationship running smoothly. I had incapacitated myself, stupidly worrying about how to keep myself out of the public eye that I nearly blinded myself. And for what?  
>"I didn't mean for this to happen," James said, eyes closed. "The mandrake thing."<br>"It's not your fault." I mumbled grudgingly, even though it kind of was.  
>He smiled. "That's what I like about you Hufflepuffs - you're always so quick to shift the blame away from others."<br>"Not all Hufflepuffs are the same, you know."  
>"Hmm?"<br>"We're not...clones." I said. James sat up, pondering this. "Just as you're a twisted, conniving, scheming Gryffindor, I'm sure there are nice ones." I racked my brain for an example. "Like Lily Evans."  
>James smiled again, a sly crafty smile. "What do you know about Evans?"<br>"Well, she seems really nice."  
>"Oh yes. She's awfully nice, up until she's blasted you in the face with a Bubbling Boil charm - her specialty."<br>"Well, whatever the charm, I'm sure you deserved it." I smirked.  
>"Indeed I did. You know, she's got this internal sense of justice that is absolutely admirable. The way she stands up for those in need. Not to mention she's brilliant. Can't pull a fast one on Evans."<br>"And she's pretty, too."  
>"What are you, <em>blind<em>? She's gorgeous!"  
>"That would be really sweet, if this poor girl wasn't actually incredibly ill because of you." Lily Evans said as she drifted into the room, my sister strolling in casually behind her.<br>"Evans!" James started, paling instantly.  
>"James." Lily was as collected as James was panicked. Luckily for James she just shook her head and said: "The prefects are all gathered in the usual place. Hand out their schedules for the week, while I chat with your girlfriend."<br>James slunk from the room, head down. For a minute I actually felt bad for him, that is until my sister plopped herself down next to me, and gave me a rib-crushing hug. Through the darkness, I could see Lily beaming down at us.  
>"I can't believe my baby sister is going with James-fecking-Potter!" Bertha cried, smooshing up my face. "What does he see in you?"<br>"I'm not his girlfriend!" I pouted. "_I'm not_." I repeated emphatically, gauging Lily's reaction. She just smiled blandly.  
>"Well that's not what I heard!" Bertha singsonged. She stood up abruptly, as if remembering something important. "I don't <em>have<em> to stay here all day, do I?" she asked Lily.  
>Lily shook her head no.<br>"Well then I'm off." She sashayed behind the curtain, then popped her head back in the room. "I have some _business_ to attend to." She smirked.  
>"I don't care." I mumbled, mostly to myself since she'd already left.<br>Lily laughed, soft and tinkling, and I wondered what it was like to be her. She seemed so composed - so perfect - it was no wonder why James was absolutely mad about her.  
>"What's it like?" she asked me.<br>"Being stuck in the infirmary?"  
>"No." She smiled. She smiled a lot when James wasn't around. "Having your sister here. What's it like?"<br>"Well," I began, unsure of my feelings for Bertha at the moment. "It's like being stuck in the middle of a long summer holiday." Lily was watching me closely, waiting for me to go on. "You keep telling yourself to enjoy it because it's supposed to be fun and it's supposed to be relaxing but every bone in your body is aching to go back to school because you don't feel at home in your home anymore. Bertha's my sister and yes I enjoy having her around but only in small doses. But when I know it'll be weeks, or maybe even months of her constantly at my side, well..."  
>"Your bones start to ache." Lily concluded for me.<br>"You're a Gryffindor." I said. "Surely you've had to deal with Bertha before, when she was still here."  
>Lily nodded. "She can be a bit - abrasive." She admitted.<br>"And that's without the familiarity of being sisters." I motioned for Lily to sit on my bed. "She used to _torture_ me about being magic." I confided. "Back before either of us knew about Hogwarts."  
>"Really?" she said. "But couldn't she do magic, too?"<br>"If she could, she kept it very well hidden." I sat back comfortably; Lily was a lot easier to talk to than I had anticipated. "And when her Hogwarts letter finally _did_ come, she teased me because I was too young to go."  
>Lily nodded thoughtfully. "I see..."<br>"No matter what happened she'd always find a way to belittle me." I continued. "Eventually I came to realise that, despite whatever I had hoped when I was younger, she's never going to change."  
>"So now you're unhappy she's come to see you?" She asked.<br>I frowned. "I'm not _unhappy_." I explained. "I just know it's not going to end well."  
>"What's not going to end well?" Lavinia asked as she tiptoed into the room.<br>"Bertha being here."  
>"Bertha's here?" Alice asked, checking behind her for Madame Pomfrey. "I thought she said she never wanted to see you again."<br>"If only I could be so lucky." I said, rolling my eyes. "Pomfrey's promised her a good recommendation at the Ministry if she does a good job of watching over me."  
>There was a tense silence as my friends reflected on the fact that I needed watching over. Alice was biting on her lower lip - a habit of hers when she was deep in thought - and Lavinia was frowning as she looked at Lily.<br>"Hello." Lily smiled tentatively.  
>"What are you doing here?" Lavinia asked bluntly.<br>"We were just having a little chat." Lily said as she stood up. "Actually, I think I'd better go make sure Potter handed out those schedules."  
>"He did." Alice smiled.<br>"Well I'm sure he did _something_ wrong. I'll see you around." She flashed a toothy grin before making a quick escape.  
>"Speaking of Potter," Alice grinned, sidling up to me. "I'm pretty sure he's stationed Peter outside to keep an eye on you."<br>I gave a noncommittal grunt.  
>"He helped us sneak in, actually." Lavinia tapped her lips. "He was...um...<em>distracting<em> Pomfrey." She laughed loudly, inciting hushed shushes from Alice.  
>"I can't stay long," Alice frowned. "I've got History of Magic and you know how Binns gets." She reached over to give me a comforting hug. "You have to get better soon, alright?"<br>"I'll do my best." I promised.  
>"Keep an eye on her." She said, pointing at Lavinia.<br>"Actually, I can't stay either." Lavinia tugged at the hem of her skirt. "Flitwick bullied me into tutoring some third years."  
>"<em>Flitwick <em>bullied you? Wait, Flitwick _bullied_ you." I exchanged incredulous glances with Alice. "Flitwick bullied _you_?" I didn't know which was less hard to believe.  
>Lavinia shrugged. "He can be really persistent."<br>"Fine." I sniffed. "That's fine. You two can just rush off to attend to your _schooling_ and your _lives_ while I waste away in here, infirm and alone."  
>"That's the plan, love." Lavinia grinned, planting a kiss on my forehead.<br>I was touched at the gesture but she smiled and left just afterwards, leaving me alone to my thoughts.  
>My terribly toxic thoughts.<p> 


End file.
